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 T-MINUS 7


At some point I do want to summarize Anna’s current schedule and what her caretaking needs are, but first I thought I would talk about how things have gone for the last week (the time we have actively tried to work Denise into more of Anna’s routine), and bring up an important something we both forgot about out as we “planned” this transition. Turns out we haven’t planned very well at all…


Denise has started to block out more time with Anna, but I need to make it clear what that really means is I have given up some of the control of Anna's care. In spite of Denise many times being more than willing to do whatever care needs there was for Anna, I very often would say “no, you go do your thing I’m handle it”.


That is not true, I see it now; I don’t really.


Here comes confession time;


For a very long time I have taken on more than I really needed to, taken on much more than what might be considered the equal 50/50 split. I’ve done this to allow Denise her free and/or down time. This hasn’t been good for Denise, Anna or myself; it has not given Denise the time she needs to be with Anna, it has not given Anna the time needed to get used to Denise and it has just made me tired and resentful that I did not have the freedom I thought I was due.  I will admit this, my fault 100%, not Denise’s; she has offered to "take over" and I have resisted, mostly because is it just easier for us all if I do it, Anna just reacts better for me.


So I’ve started to let go and Denise has stepped up. Except for the night time routine of me being the one that calms her (so far) we have started to share more and more duties, things are not as lopsided.


We have about a week of this so far and overall things have gone well for Anna.  I am writing this on a Tuesday, last weekend (which always are the hardest because Anna is home all day and we pretty much have to keep an eye on her constantly) went fairly well, which is considered a success; Anna had no real meltdowns.


So after a few days, so far not bad.  Except for that planning thing;


I am not sure why this didn’t register before but our oldest daughter and her husband are on vacation and we are watching our grandson, and grand-dog. One of us will be with either Anna or Colt all the time and there will be very little “transition” time until next Sunday, 2 days before my surgery. We will not get much transition time prior to my surgery, at least not as much as we thought we needed.


The lesson I have learned from this is;


- Share duties as best you can while still allowing the other partner their needed down time. It may not seem like it right at the moment but it is best for the sanity, peace, happiness and mental health of everyone in the family.  

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 5, 2024 at 2:18 PM

    I can relate to the struggle of letting go and allowing the other parent to step in. It's really hard. I think it is more difficult for couples who never really learn how to work as a team. Great post! Very helpful and thought provoking.

    ReplyDelete

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